Bellspeak

Bell-Speak: an Interpretation

By “Oddstruck”

1. “They go very well, all things considered”
Translation: Considering the bearings are oval, the frame moves in three different ways and the tower shakes in a gentle breeze.

2. “I was struck by the unique tonal qualities of these bells”
Translation: They sound like 5 dustbins and a tin bath being hit by wooden mallets.

3. “The local band are very keen”
Translation: But just a little short on ability.

4. “Do we have a band for London?”
Translation: Tower captain trying to show off in front of a visitor

5. “Listen to the striking!”
Translation: I know someone is clipping but I’ll be blowed if I know who.

6. “Let’s all make a real effort to be here on time next Sunday.”
Translation: I’m fed up with pulling all 6 bells up on my own then not getting a ring
when you lot turn up 10 minutes before service.

7. “The band were not quite up to the method.
Translation: We had 10 minutes of passable ‘firing’ before deciding to ring Plain Bob

8. “A brave attempt” (at a striking competition).
Translation: Were they trying to ring call changes, plain hunt or rounds?.

9. “We are a friendly band here.”
Translation: Just don’t expect much from the ringing

10. “The conductor got a little over-exited”
He was jumping up and down on his box, waving both arms, shouting himself hoarse and still the half-wit on the 2nd wouldn’t make places in 5-6.

11. “The vicar is very keen on having the bells rung as much as possible”.
Translation: He lives in the next village and likes to annoy the churchwarden who lives next door to the church and hates the sound of bells.